My name is Tomasz Starczewski. I am from Poland and I live in Wrocław. In 2008, I was prescribed antidepressants (paroxetine) for the first time after a (five-minute) diagnosis of social phobia. From that moment on, the Tomasz I had known ceased to exist. Over the next ten years, the medications were repeatedly changed and discontinued due to increasingly severe side effects. In total, I took more than a dozen drugs, and among those that caused me the greatest harm I include: paroxetine, venlafaxine, sertraline (main offending drug), fluvoxamine, bupropion, and alprazolam.

When I reported to doctors that what was happening to me (sexual dysfunction, cognitive dysfunction, emotional blunting, anhedonia, suicidal thoughts, etc.) was a side effect of the medications I was taking - since I had never experienced these symptoms before - I was told that I had depression and that I needed a higher dose or a different drug. For several years, I went from doctor to doctor trying to help myself, only to end up with yet another prescription or a far-fetched diagnosis.

Eventually, I found the Surviving Antidepressants forum, where I learned that I was not alone, and I no longer had any doubts that the symptoms I was experiencing were the result of many years of taking these medications.

In 2018, I made the decision to discontinue them. At that time, hyperbolic tapering was not yet widely used, and I discontinued according to the guidelines recommended on SA. About 8–9 months after stopping, I developed protracted withdrawal syndrome and PSSD.

The following six years were the most difficult period of my life. At first, I sought help and underwent further diagnostics, only to realize that no doctor had ever heard of protracted withdrawal or PSSD. Instead of help, I was met with suggestions like, “Maybe you should go back on the medication?”

I spent the first years at home, unable to function. I experienced daily suicidal thoughts, episodes of aggression and panic, I was unable to read or think, and I often could not understand what was being said to me. My sexuality had been chemically removed from my body, and I lost the will to live, feeling dead inside. It felt as if my reward system had been switched off. Additionally, I suffered from many physical side effects such as akathisia, vision problems, tinnitus, and many others. I did not want to die, but I did not want to live either.

About three years after stopping the medications, my condition stabilized slightly, which allowed me to take some basic care of myself. I focused on my damaged microbiome, diet, physical activity, and tried to reconnect with people. At first, however, I had to pretend emotions and interest in the outside world.

The healing process was not linear, and I experienced many setbacks along the way (for example, reinstatement).

Today, it has been eight years since I stopped taking the medications, and for about two years now I have fully regained myself.

What’s more, I have transformed this traumatic experience into something meaningful and now help others in the process of healing and tapering off antidepressants by running a website, a YouTube channel, and social media platforms dedicated to raising awareness about the risks associated with antidepressants.

I am not the same Tomasz who once reached for medication. I am a new version of myself- enriched by difficult experiences and looking at life and people from a completely new perspective.

Best,
Tomasz Starczewski