My name is Jay, and I’m from the Hudson Valley in New York. Larissa and I met when we were eighteen, and we were together for twenty six years. She was prescribed Prozac for depression and took it for most of her life. While we were together, she was also prescribed Zoloft (sertraline), Trazalopram, Xanax (alprazolam), and several other medications that I can’t remember now.

While taking these medications, Larissa became distant and cold. She seemed to lose her emotions and became disconnected from the people who loved her. She also self medicated with marijuana and alcohol while continuing to struggle with depression.

Larissa died by suicide on June 6, 2015. She was only forty four years old. We had two children, and her death changed every part of our lives.

I can’t separate what happened to Larissa from the years she spent taking medication for depression. The medications were supposed to help her, but I watched her become increasingly detached and emotionally numb. Instead of getting Larissa back, I watched her disappear further into depression, medication, alcohol, and marijuana until she eventually lost her life.

What I’ve learned is that prescribing medication isn’t the same as healing someone. Families need honest information about the possible emotional and behavioral effects of these drugs, especially when several medications and other substances are involved. People taking them need to be closely monitored, listened to, and treated as more than a collection of symptoms. I’ll never know exactly what might have changed the outcome, but I believe Larissa deserved better care, better answers, and a real chance to recover.